Getting down with pride

” Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.”
– Proverbs 16:18 (KJV version)

I’m not a religious person but I still find some wisdom from the Bible since I was a kid.
I knew what it meant but never fully understood it ; or rather, I didn’t reflected much on it.
I still continued to be full of pride (without noticing it at all).
Never knew I had pride until I was in my last job.

My experience with pride is being eccentric but often involves stepping on others. Its like my mind feels superior to others in every sense; like I’m the main superhero:

I will make a bold and unique move that will shock everyone.
Then win againts a villain and will receive a reward for it.
Now writing this, I may have really misunderstood the reason behind superheroes.

I really don’t know if there is some pride left in me; but I knew that I left those in my last job.
I may also have some inferiority complex mixed in… but I’m not really sure.
It really is hard to recognize especially I grew up ignoring my emotions.
I really thought that supressing emotions is connected to becoming stronger… but I was wrong.
My way always end up backfiring at some point in my life.

I haven’t made something positive out of it but what I can say is that I’m at the beginning of something worth living the other part of my life.

It really is scary especially there are expectations from family on what my life should be.
The pressure is enough to make me feel intense emotions.
What I can do with those emotions is to get to know behind those emotions.
For now, I’m at the point where I would ask myself:

“What do you wake up for?”

Lost

“What is the feeling of being lost?”

Hi community!
First time writing a blog and saying something out from my mind.
I’m a Filipino but a bit different.

Being a Filipino, one is expected to follow the norm…
attain the best of the best; have higher grades.
pursue what gives more benefits and money.
I know money is valuable but I know deep inside, life is much more than that.

Being raised in a typical filipino family, I felt I was different;
In the end though, I was trained to follow the norm.
My mind woke up when I turned 18; at the middle of my college days.
I felt lost and blamed the world for my suffering.
Acted like I know everything… more of a talker not a walker.
At the end of my bizzare attitude…. Ego and Pride got the best of me.

Now 23, I just quit my traditional 9-5 job.
feeling lost because it was my dream job of who I must be;
rather than who I really am.

Setting aside the story of my life, what is being lost?
lost is being in an ocean with no sight of land.
Feels like living everyday to survive.
Goals? living is one that I can think of.
Purpose? thinking of what I can provide value to others.

Being ambitious is out of my life now.
It gave me direction once but made me lost than I ever was.
I ask also passion to stop controlling me.
It made me do things I only just like to do at that moment.

Being these the normal (fundamental) of being a person.
why would I give these up?
In order for me to live, my dreams must die.

Dreams left we wandering in an illusional life.
Led me to chaos than clarity.
Now lost because I don’t know what will be the result.
I don’t have fantasy to guide me but…
All I know is my chains are gone;
I am free to live.

So as I end this little piece of my mind, this question always pops up in my mind:

“Who am I?”

There are many answers with solid evidence that I may say but this is my answer:

“I am free.”